What is it "to learn"?

To be a carpenter takes more than just owning tools and having a workshop; like any successful professional, being a carpenter takes passion and drive. It takes a commitment to learn and improve.

I was talking with a woman last night, and her story helped to explain this one. She started out as a neurologist in China, where, at the time she graduated, you worked in the hospitals. Medicine was considered a service, and you couldn’t make much money from it. She worked in a hospital in Beijing, and was talking about her experiences there.

She loved it – all the time there were new and different cases, not like in a private practice in Canada, where you see the same people every day, maybe a little cough, some common sicknesses – no. In this hospital, there were many different cases, some that not even the chief of the department had seen before. That’s what she liked about working there; you were always learning! The chief was a professor as well, and sometimes you get doctors from the United States coming in to give seminars, so you were always learning! She loved these challenges, much more than doing the same thing all the time. She loved learning new things, and bending her mind around new challenges.

Twenty years ago (in China at least, if not in medicine in general) neurology was NOT a big thing; most of the profession was focusing on the heart. She was focusing on the brain and the neurons. She emphasized that one of the key points in her learning and her positive experience in the hospital was her ability to be flexible. She was able to learn to think laterally to solve problems, and that helped her to learn a lot.

It was an environment there of learning, yes, but the stakes were high. She made a point of discussing the importance of residency before you could open a practice. If you don’t have the residency, you don’t have the experience; you can’t think in your own way, and you can’t solve problems. You can’t always just translate from the textbook. To highlight the importance of experience, and being able to solve problems outside of the textbook, she used a very potent example. One time a patient came in while she was still learning, and she diagnosed him as having bleeding in the brain. He had lost consciousness, as she said, it was deep. So she went “the textbook route”. She did a spinal tap to get some blood, to see if it was dirty or clean. Se was also doing emergency treatment … but he died before she could finish. What the chief of the department said to her afterwards (he came in after the spinal tap, but before he died) was that you did everything you were supposed to do – you did everything right. The only thing is that if there is bleeding in the brain the pressure will be so great that to remove blood from the bottom of the spinal cord will reduce pressure in the spinal cord, and the greater pressure in the skull will kill the person.

She was so upset by this whole situation – it was a human life at stake, and no-one told her to do things that way, she did things by the textbook way, but the lesson she learned there was that the textbook way is not always the way to do things. She learned right there that there is no substitute for experience; no substitute for someone more experienced than you are looking over everything you do, correcting you, guiding you. You need that interaction in the beginning, or you may not learn very important lessons, not just cased based, but in how to solve problems, and how to think.

Someone comes into the hospital with a condition that no-one knows. As the resident, you do the best you can to diagnose the patient. The Chief of the department can go in and look at the patient too, they will check all the tests you did, and look at the patient, and give their opinion. It still may not be right, but they will still have more experience than you. They will have seen many more iterations of different diseases and conditions, and may be able to diagnose them better than you can.

Being a carpenter, like being a doctor … or more accurately being an apprentice, like being a resident, takes a constant yearning to learn and challenge yourself more to reach for new things and new experiences, new chances to grow. Once you stop learning in any particular job, it’s time to move on.

Garbage in, Garbage out

I am interested in health food, and eating healthy. There are a few contributors to this interest, and I have written on this subject before. The SPECIFIC spark to this blog entry comes from a young woman discussing a media-diagnosed disease; orthorexia, and her reaction to it.

I may never be as healthy as this woman (and people like her may hang their heads and say "that's a shame" but read the whole entry first!), but I am interested in that kind of diet, and I am behind not only her health-conscious eating decisions, but also her reaction to society's diagnosis.

If I may contribute to one of her comments, convenience food has been a huge contributor to the malnutrition of our society. One factor I know about is our magnesium deficiency. Far be it for me to not at least look something up before I blog it, I found a book "The Magnesium Factor" by Mildred S. Seelig and Andrea Rosanoff which talks about magnesium being refined out of our foods, and not being added back in in the remixing (yet another reason why processed foods are not good for you!) Magnesium deficiency means that you are more stressed, your muscles are not relaxed, you are at a higher risk for things like heart disease, and potentially even obesity.

When you eat foods out you can almost guarantee that they were made using refined flours and sugars; even the "healthy, whole wheat stuff". If it's not a specific organic/vegetarian/health food venue, their health food is mostly just advertising.

Now to the media, tell me that all your health food advertising isn't a "trend". Tell me that this explosion of awareness of health isn't purely a product of your marketing departments; the same departments that will advertise whole wheat on Tuesday, will advertise a cereal on Wednesday that, with 2-3% more sugar, could not be legally called cereal, but would instead need to be called candy.

Is it any wonder then that there are intelligent, health conscious people out there, who, even if they do not conduct the research themselves, and re invested in the research that takes place, and are interested in making more actively healthy decisions in the ways that they eat.

This week, I ate out a few times, actually more than I normally do. So let's go through that, so I a)don't pretend to be perfect, and b)prove that I am aware of myself and my eating habits. On Monday night I went for the first time to Live - at Spadina and Dupont. The food there was so good that it WILL be a repeat. And was that alcohol on the menu? Wow, if I wasn't going to class afterwards, I would have probably indulged, as the company was as good as the food!

On Thursday night, I went out to the Bombay Bhel, which has a fairly healthy menu, but it's not vegan, and no doubt they use white flour to make their naan.

On Friday for lunch and dinner I went out. On Friday, I was cornered into a meal, but I did not say no to it. I can't even write it down here, but needless to say, it was one of the corporate pimps of the food industry.

Ahem. On Friday night, I had broccoli and chicken, with some sort of sauce, and sticky rice at Spring Rolls, and a glass of wine.

So, I ranged from Live vegan valhalla, to food prostitution in a week. What a range!
Well before we met my stepdad, my Mother had cut beef and pork out of our diet. That was a health decision; not a religious one, but one day I had a hamburger, and shortly after threw up. It wasn't even worth it. It wasn't good. So, I do not eat beef ever, and I only ever eat pig on my pizza. But I do enjoy seafood and poultry, alcohol and coffee, chocolate and ice cream, but all in moderation. It's good to monitor what you eat. But then again, it would also be good if I had more walnuts and water! Oh well, nobody's perfect!

Tomboys should be banned ... WTF? Another Stupid element of Islam ...

Another comment I thought to post on my own blog ... with of course the reference to the original article that was written. This article condemns girls who "act like boys" as violators of the tenets of Islam, and fit to be banned from the religion. As the article points out later, they didn't offer guidelines on what behaviour is masculine. Why not? why not offer those guidelines. Offer guidelines too, on what is feminine. Prosecute both genders for ever stepping to either side of the line. It's ridiculous! It's ludicrous! More than that, it is dangerous, and life threatening to some innocent girl who is just having fun playing with her friends. It perpetuates the veil of fear that Islam sheathes their women in, and confines them to. This edict could take girls who are very "Tomboy" in nature, and thoroughly destroy them, psychologically and spiritually break them, and when you do that, or course they will think it's okay and good to where the veil, because you have taken away the higher functions of their humanity; ones we take for granted.

Islam takes gender way too far. It is against the laws of their religion to have any deviations from the strict gender rules and roles. It is not natural, it is not innate for human beings to know gender roles! We act however comes naturally to us. Gender roles occur largely because of social conditioning in today's society. Some people even believe that these roles were set from the very beginning, which they weren't. There have always been more than just "deviations" but entire cultures that just did not see gender roles in that way. Picts? Woad? Women from the 6th century, fighting right alongside the men, everyone clad in very little BUT the woad. There are many other examples, I am sure. Tomboy? Would you say that Islam would NOT condemn those women?

Women should not be punished for doing things that come naturally to them, not as a woman, but as a human being. THIS is the result of male beings hardly fit to be called human using their constructed gender binary as a power struggle, to be the ones perpetually on top.

What do these Islamic jackasses get out of oppressing women; out of regulating their behaviour to the point of forbidding anything less than female? Do they do this with men, too? How much suffering takes place in Muslim society as a whole, how many people are ousted by such a religion? The more and more people they oust, the more the religion will become a power-hungry, self-consuming, inbred, puritan piece of guano, and the more and more sure will become its decline.

What scares me is the fact that this religion may yet find a resurgence in North America, and gather up new followers in men who want to have power over their women, let's even say in Canada. A religion that violently forces power away from women is the last thing we need, and any woman who takes the rights and privileges we have for granted should be made aware of these practices occurring elsewhere around the world, practices that would have women banned or killed for a fraction of the behaviour, exhibited even once in Malaysia, that we exhibit in Canada almost every day.

What ifs ...

What if ... someone I liked / liked actually found me as attractive as I found them, as a person, a spirit, a mind, a body, and a soul?
What if ... I had a full-time job in graphic design, loved what I was doing, and was damn good at what I did?
What if ... I had a big, genuine heart?
What if ... I could actually be feminine?
What if ... I could lose my pride, and be humble?
What if ... I could lose my selfishness, and do things for other people?
What if ... I was an optimist?
What if ... I had my own place to live?
What if ... I knew how to drive?
What if ... I went to the gym all the time, and pushed myself to really develop my muscles?
What if ... someone could cuddle with me?
What if ... I fit in and was accepted somewhere - would I feel more trusting, and less need to be thorny?
What if ... people stopped implying names "at" me, and I could walk away from all that mess?
What if ... I was able to change those situations, and take the names people implied and be stronger than that?

What if ... There are so many "what if's" in life, and sometimes it is so hard to be grateful for what you have, and want what you have, and live in the moment. Sometimes I want things more than what I have. Sometimes I look at what other people have, or seem to have, and say that I want what they have. I am jealous that I am not "feminine enough" or not "employable enough" or ... etc. I would love a "comfortable" job. I would love to be a "comfortable" person. But I am not.

I love what I do when I am building things, and doing things with my hands. Not just as in "I knit for a living", but "I build for a living", or would like to. But that is difficult to get someone who is willing to accept that I woman wants to, and is (anywhere from okay to actually damn) good at building. I wouldn't mind finding someone (other than any "girly" or at least female friends I have) who lets me feel "girly", even a little. Who maybe even encourages it, not in "you SHOULD be more demure", but yeah, I kinda like that you can be pretty tough, and I RESPECT who you are (ha! Who knows what respect is in my generation?!) but I am also okay with you being "cutesy" and girly sometimes. Thing is, I won't let my "toughness" down, my guard down, until I know I can be that way with someone, and everyday there is something that prevents me from letting go.

"Come on get out, from under, that heavy, heavy coat.
Just admit, that it's life and you don't (always) think that you can cope.
'Cause there are women, from history, that are living underneath you skin,
and they are waiting, for you to let go, and finally give in ...
No-one really cares how many skeletons are in your closet.
We will help you, open up the windows, open up your heart flow and let in fresh air...
I'm throwin' you a rope my friend, climb up, climb up it ..."
~Melissa Ferrick

These words are helpful and hopeful, especially if I could trust them ... and wonder why life can't be like that, and why we have to accept that we need to go through sh*t in life. But then again, we don't have to take sh*t from other people, just because there are tough things in life, doesn't mean we have to be anyone's doormat. I will be stronger for the challenges I successfully go through. I can only pray that sometime I will work hard enough, or I will get something right, or I will "pass whatever tests" I need to in order to earn . deserve a reward of good relationships, and good company.

These are selfish behaviours. They should probably be avoided. I do get chances to do things. Some of them I mess up. Some of them I am good at. I am not good enough at being the kind of person who thanks, not thinks.

Haverstock - living a rich life

Lynda Haverstock

Haverstock left school around 1965, when she became pregnant at age 15. She decided to marry the father, and keep the child; a rare choice in those days; most girls, as she says, “disappeared, and returned home without a child”. Haverstock decided to live through her tough decisions, and raise that girl. At age 18, her husband left her when she actually DID return to school, and since then he has never been seen. (One of my questions would be why did that jackass leave her if she decided to return to school – what f...messed up views of the world, and women, did he have, although they were unfortunately probably quite normal views to have those days. Her parents also supported her, but they were tough on her decision too. They stated that if she made the choice to be an adult, they would treat her like one. She was invited to leave the house. But her father also treated her like an equal from that day on; as an adult.

Since then, Haverstock’s daughter became her pivot point for everything. (I would like to challenge those who do not continue their schooling and make up lame excuses for it with Haverstock’s story). She was 18, she went back and finished her highschool, still living on her own with her daughter, and working. She raised her daughter on her own, and never even went on welfare; she found other ways to get by, like collecting pop cans in alleys with her daughter to make money for milk.

Haverstock was a fiercely independent woman; she refused to move back with her parents, and she even refused welfare. Later in life, she chose a doctoral program that she felt would allow her the ability to “make a life for [her]self, be independent, and call the shots”.

From what she has said in the small 3 page article, I can take inspiration from. She never let the pain in her life be an excuse or a roadblock to her goals, and she did that with the tough love of her parents. She had things to do, and she wasn’t about to let dependence on other people let her fall short of her goals, and she wasn’t about to use any disadvantages life presented her with as a crutch, either.

It makes me look at my own life, and say “why am I not brave enough to do everything I want to do, to create goals, and force myself to stick by them?” “why do I sit at home without a job and live off my parents?” “why am I okay with going to school, but to lazy/scared to translate anything into a job?”

Haverstock’s mother never moved in to help her out. Instead, she handed her a broom when she got home from being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis that had her confined to a wheelchair, the doctors said, for life, and said “isn’t it grand; there’s nothing wrong with your arms”. That is pretty amazing. That is someone who won’t even start to take any bullsh!t, even before you start to issue it (just in case you were going to issue it).

Another thing that sticks out in my mind right now is one comment a woman on my hockey team once made in the dressing room about how sick it is that some parents/people “reward mediocrity as excellence”. If your kid isn’t the best, or isn’t tough enough, you don’t pat them on the head and tell them they’re beautiful anyway; you f…bloody well get them to work harder.

That is what Haverstock’s mother did with her; just pushed her harder; never stopped pushing, even all throughout Haverstock’s adult life (which started when she was pregnant and 15 years old). To be kicked out, to live on your own, to know without a doubt that you could survive; you could do it, to have confidence in yourself and the world, that must be an amazing thing. To not be cloistered at home for God knows what reason, while ALL your friends left home to try out the living in residence experience. Is "letting" your child live at home during post-secondary "spoiling" your child? Or not being tough ENOUGH and REAL ENOUGH on them? Maybe because your parents used finances and their fear/lack of trust in the rest of the world as a way to pin you down and cloister you up at home, when really, home was where you ended up getting fucked up (down, and sideways) anyways.

Haverstock also said that telling people who have just graduated that “I wish you a life of health and happiness”, are off the mark. Haverstock wishes people “a rich, full life. You’re going to have joy, and you’re going to have pain – that’s what living a full life means. I wouldn’t want to keep people from the hurtful lessons, because I believe they enrich our lives and define who we are.”