Haverstock - living a rich life
Lynda Haverstock
Haverstock left school around 1965, when she became pregnant at age 15. She decided to marry the father, and keep the child; a rare choice in those days; most girls, as she says, “disappeared, and returned home without a child”. Haverstock decided to live through her tough decisions, and raise that girl. At age 18, her husband left her when she actually DID return to school, and since then he has never been seen. (One of my questions would be why did that jackass leave her if she decided to return to school – what f...messed up views of the world, and women, did he have, although they were unfortunately probably quite normal views to have those days. Her parents also supported her, but they were tough on her decision too. They stated that if she made the choice to be an adult, they would treat her like one. She was invited to leave the house. But her father also treated her like an equal from that day on; as an adult.
Since then, Haverstock’s daughter became her pivot point for everything. (I would like to challenge those who do not continue their schooling and make up lame excuses for it with Haverstock’s story). She was 18, she went back and finished her highschool, still living on her own with her daughter, and working. She raised her daughter on her own, and never even went on welfare; she found other ways to get by, like collecting pop cans in alleys with her daughter to make money for milk.
Haverstock was a fiercely independent woman; she refused to move back with her parents, and she even refused welfare. Later in life, she chose a doctoral program that she felt would allow her the ability to “make a life for [her]self, be independent, and call the shots”.
From what she has said in the small 3 page article, I can take inspiration from. She never let the pain in her life be an excuse or a roadblock to her goals, and she did that with the tough love of her parents. She had things to do, and she wasn’t about to let dependence on other people let her fall short of her goals, and she wasn’t about to use any disadvantages life presented her with as a crutch, either.
It makes me look at my own life, and say “why am I not brave enough to do everything I want to do, to create goals, and force myself to stick by them?” “why do I sit at home without a job and live off my parents?” “why am I okay with going to school, but to lazy/scared to translate anything into a job?”
Haverstock’s mother never moved in to help her out. Instead, she handed her a broom when she got home from being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis that had her confined to a wheelchair, the doctors said, for life, and said “isn’t it grand; there’s nothing wrong with your arms”. That is pretty amazing. That is someone who won’t even start to take any bullsh!t, even before you start to issue it (just in case you were going to issue it).
Another thing that sticks out in my mind right now is one comment a woman on my hockey team once made in the dressing room about how sick it is that some parents/people “reward mediocrity as excellence”. If your kid isn’t the best, or isn’t tough enough, you don’t pat them on the head and tell them they’re beautiful anyway; you f…bloody well get them to work harder.
That is what Haverstock’s mother did with her; just pushed her harder; never stopped pushing, even all throughout Haverstock’s adult life (which started when she was pregnant and 15 years old). To be kicked out, to live on your own, to know without a doubt that you could survive; you could do it, to have confidence in yourself and the world, that must be an amazing thing. To not be cloistered at home for God knows what reason, while ALL your friends left home to try out the living in residence experience. Is "letting" your child live at home during post-secondary "spoiling" your child? Or not being tough ENOUGH and REAL ENOUGH on them? Maybe because your parents used finances and their fear/lack of trust in the rest of the world as a way to pin you down and cloister you up at home, when really, home was where you ended up getting fucked up (down, and sideways) anyways.
Haverstock also said that telling people who have just graduated that “I wish you a life of health and happiness”, are off the mark. Haverstock wishes people “a rich, full life. You’re going to have joy, and you’re going to have pain – that’s what living a full life means. I wouldn’t want to keep people from the hurtful lessons, because I believe they enrich our lives and define who we are.”
