Sisters in Strength

Any opportunity I have for contact with C+ I take, especially the ones that she initiates. I don’t know, but for all I say I am a very physical person; I seem to feel incredibly uncomfortable with contact.

Some people I feel comfortable with contact, and sometimes these people show up in strange places. Claudia is a given, as she is Colombian and friend of the family for years. She is very affectionate and very confident in being physical and affectionate. She is a very open and loving person, and that is part of what makes you feel like someone is wrapping you up in a warm security blanket when Claudia gives you a hug.

Sometimes, I want to make contact with the person, but it just feels uncomfortable. Sometimes, even with the same person, contact just happens, maybe even by mistake, but it still just feels natural.

That happened for a while with C+, but then we kind of drifted for a while, and now, for the most part, contact is uncomfortable. For example in March we would interact as if we were one mind in two bodies. THAT was comfortable. She would pass something for me to hold, I would take it without missing a beat and vise versa. We worked together in very close quarters putting up and foaming SIPs one day, and were both so natural about it; it was like working with Bernadette (my sister) on something.
I miss that feeling, and I know that we both operate based on a very concrete kind of trust, so without that interaction almost seems a bit like something has been lost in translation. However, she still will ask me to do things for her, and I will never say no.

When I set my heart to achieving a friendship, it seems to happen, and I am honoured that this friendship seems to be working, as I hold C+ in very high regard. She feels to me like a little sister, (Bernadette technically being my ‘big’ sister!), like a kid who has so much pure energy and enthusiasm, and honours me by taking the time to share her stories with me. Being the audience to one of C+’s conversations is a wonderful and energizing feeling. I could say this in so many ways, and it would never quite fully express or captivate the feeling I feel inside. The song ‘the whole of the moon’ helps describe it, though!

I would like to think of our interactions as a friendship, however, with my tendency to analyze I am sometimes very worried that she does not return that friendship. C+ is a very wonderful person. I have whole-heartedly adopted her into my ‘family circle’, which, given my real family circle, isn’t very big. It is reserved for a chosen few … you can call them best friends, or you can call them cousins. This circle includes Bernadette, Tina, Serafima, AT, Mom, C+, Claudia, Mrs. Hannon, and a few others I hold dear to my heart. These are the people who I would love to – and feel COMFORTABLE with – sharing my most pure and childlike joyful moments in my life.