My Football Report

Written by a die-hard year-round hockey fan.

I Love the slides! These guys get awesome mileage out of them!

If you got cut in hockey, you’d get yourself cleaned/stitched up right away – there would be no running around the pitch with a bleeding lip (or skating around the rink). And the guy STILL looks like he’s bleeding about 10 minutes later.

Holy bloody beehive! The fans just don’t run out of hot air!

Why in the world do the goalies not know what team they belong to? In hockey, the goalie is the most “decorated” player on the team … USA is orange, England is wearing green? In a sport so fatally and faithfully loyal to their team colours, football goalies just haven’t gotten the memo.

They ARE much better behaved; I’ll admit that. No penalty boxes, and once you’re wearing a bumble-bee cuff around your arm, you know the next bad things you do you’re out of the game. So play nice, boysss!

These guys have a rep for falling so dramatically and ALL the time, but maybe isn’t quite that bad (at least not this game).

First goal the USA has gotten against England outside of England since 1950? Is that what I heard?!? If only the US hockey teams played so … well … when they were playing in Canada!

I LOVE the fan colours! (at least they’re not wearing orange).

Joey Altidore leaving the pitch – what just happened? I don’t understand the substitutions …

Nail-biting, isn’t it? Ummm …

It looks like all just stand around when the ball will be thrown of kicked back onto the pitch. Please explain their positions!

91 minutes in, I finally here my first recognizable cheer!

Nice changing billboards!

I’d love to see the ball weigh 5 or 10 pounds more. It might be less of a tennis match then.

So that’s it? It’s over? no kick-out? No overtime? So do they have a way to determine who is the stronger team in the draw; who has more points going in?

… and how is your team supposed to win when you’ve got No World Cup beards!?!?!

All in all, I think I like hockey better.

If I’m still feeling sick tomorrow, I will watch the Germany game, and see if I understand anything any better then.